Twenty-four years wondering where I cam from, who my parents were, what they were like. Twenty-four years without the slightest clue. Until my visitation, when Vayu made me desperate to learn those answers once more. Once again, I wanted to know more than anything.
And now…I do.
I got a phone call late at night, from someone within M.I.S.T. A voice I couldn’t identify informed me that I was to report to the morgue, then hung up. It seemed weird, I’d never been called down there before. But I figured they must’ve needed my abilities with Death to help them with something. When I arrived there was just one person there, a woman. It looked like she was performing an autopsy.
Anyway, she told me to scrub, glove up, and go over to the corpse to determine the cause of death. Which confused me a bit; I’ve never had any medical training. I told her that, but mentioned that I could figure out the cause of death (exsanguination) anyway. It seems to be part of my power over Death.
But as soon as I mentioned that she seemed to be a lot more interested in me than the corpse. She displayed her own power over Death, too. More than what I could do. And she spoke of the nine worlds, intimated that she knew my Father, I could only ever seem to see half of her. And…it just seemed so surreal…I found myself hoping…I needed to know.
She seemed almost afraid to tell me; that it would complicate things, that I’d be better off with the Æsir if I didn’t know, better off with Fate itself. But I just couldn’t let it go.
She said I got that from Dad.
And the moment she told me that is when I knew for sure. She was Hel, my mother…after so long I’d finally met one of my parents. It was overwhelming. So many thoughts, questions, emotions; I barely knew where to start.
She told me about Dad. She’d stayed long enough to make sure he’d be able to handle me on his own; I wasn’t supposed to grow up an orphan. He was a good man; honest, dependable, so very proud of me. I should’ve known him, I should’ve grown up with him, I should’ve had a Father. But for Vayu.
Dad was a War Photographer. I guess I’ve followed in his footsteps too, as much as Njord’s and Hel’s. Just knowing that, the connection I have to him, it means everything. But when I was two and a half he got a contract that brought him to the Middle East, where the Yazatas’ influence is at its height. Vayu’s a God of Wind, Chaos, and Death. Mom was busy, distracted by a problem in the Underworld. A problem Vayu certainly would’ve known about. And Dad was killed by friendly fire in the chaos of a freak sandstorm. And by the time Mom caught wind of what had happened I’d already been placed with the foster family I’d be stuck with for the next sixteen years.
It all worked…too perfectly, for Vayu, to have been a coincidence. He planned it, he arranged it. He all but killed my father, he made sure he died when my mother couldn’t do anything for him or me, and twenty-two years later he stole me from her. I am certain that Fate will cause our paths to cross again. I can only hope that we will when I’m powerful enough to make him pay for what he’s put me through.
Before she left she told me that she was proud of me, that Dad would be too, that when the time came she’d make sure I was welcome in the feasting halls of Asgard. And she made sure I’d always have a way to get in touch with her. All that…it meant the world to me, hell it meant all nine of them.
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Perhaps it is fitting that it was a God of Wind and a God of the Seas that came to me on the night of my visitation. For it cast me into a storm of confusion, uncertainty, and doubt. So much of what I knew was turned on its head, supposed truths of this world that I’d long held scattered to the four winds. I learned who my mother by birth was. But with the sudden revelation of my divine heritage and role in the Overworld’s War, with the state of flux my Divine Patronage was subject to, I was no longer sure of who I’d been or who I was becoming. For the first time in years I found myself clueless as to where my life would lead, I was lost.
Looking back, I can see now that I did not handle it well. I allowed my emotions to rule me, at times, let flights of passion dictate far more of my actions than I should have. And I hid from what I had learned. I left my campsite, where this had all happened, immediately and dove headfirst into a week-long bender in the bars of the nearest town. When I arrived at M.I.S.T. I threw myself headfirst into physical conditioning, what time I didn’t spend in the gym dedicated to poring through what tomes on the Æsir and Vayu I could get my hands on.
I told myself then that it was in preparation for what was to come. But I can see now that that I was lying to myself. By throwing myself so completely into those distractions, not giving myself any time to simply think; I kept myself from having to dwell upon my Visitation, what it would ultimately mean for me, and the old wounds it had re-opened. I was hiding from myself, a dangerous road to walk down.
Perhaps Njord saw that when we spoke, and later as I passed my time in a drunken haze. Perhaps that is why he sent me to M.I.S.T. If so, I owe him even more thanks. For it was only after returning from that first mission that I realized what I’d been doing. M.I.S.T. eventually cast us into the crucible, and I lost myself to my anger for a time. But I was also able to open up to another for the first time since my visitation. And because of all that happened on that mission I was able to identify the path I was in danger of walking down.
Then I spoke with Hel, we spoke of my father. She told me of how very much like him I was. And I realized something. Somehow I’d gotten the idea into my head that the latent Divine Heritage I never knew I had changed my past, that I’d never really been who I’d thought I was. Which was stupid of me. It didn’t change who I was, it just meant there was another layer to me I’d never been aware of. I was who I thought I was, I always had been.
And that realization was key. Perhaps I’m still caught in a storm. But I’m not helpless in its fury anymore. Instead of being tossed about on a storm-wracked sea I’m simply buffeted by its winds as I stand on the shore. Maybe I’m not comfortable with my divinity just yet. But I’m coming to terms with it; I’m overwhelmed by it no longer.
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I can’t seem to shake thoughts of the avalanche we witnessed from my mind. Not for the reason you might think, lingering anger over the death of my Einherjar. I revived them yesterday. Nature’s always called to me, fascinated me. It’s what drew me to the career I chose.
But ever since my ichor awakened as a Scion of Njord it seems to call to me on a whole new level. Now nature’s not just something I admire and appreciate so much as it is something I’m connected to on an intimate level. I can feel the primal forces of the world suffusing my ichor, running through my veins. I’m not just an observer anymore. In a way, I’m becoming a facet of nature. It seems to be a large part of how my innate divinity is expressing itself.
I didn’t really notice it for the week I was either drunk or hungover, or the week I spent in the mainly city-like M.I.S.T. Terra Incognitae. But once we drove out into the Alaskan wilderness I could feel that connection calling to me; in the crashing of the waves against the shore, the vastness of the northern sky above me, and the craggy landscape that surrounded us.
Then there was an avalanche; a display of the raw, overwhelming power that nature can bring to bear. A reminder that humanity exists but at its whim. Even with the way Rigvar used, abused that power, it remained an awe-inspiring glimpse of nature’s fury. And it eventually occurred to me…that that’s the kind of power I might some day grow into, for good or ill.
I’m not sure what to make of that.
Just...indescribable...
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He seemed a bit nervous about mentioning it to her, too. I suppose I can understand where he’s coming from there. She can certainly be a bit headstrong at times…not that I’m really in any position to throw stones there given some of my actions during our mission. Still, Cindy deserves to know and I told him as much. He agreed. But…it does look like we’re going to have to keep an eye on her. As if we weren’t likely to have enough problems already.
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When I spoke with Brynhildr in the feast hall, not that I knew quite who she was at the time, she’d implied that there was a subversive element within M.I.S.T. Which was the reason we’d been chosen to go to Alaska. But she also seemed reluctant to go into any level of detail about it, telling me she didn’t want to worry us in the middle of a firefight.
So…after we were back at M.I.S.T. HQ I decided to track her down and see if she really meant she just didn’t want us to know then, or if she didn’t want us to know at all. I found her at the training grounds, overseeing some of the mortals working with M.I.S.T. She didn’t exactly seem…happy, that I was still asking about it, seemed to think I already had enough to worry about with Utgard-Loki, but she agreed to tell me a bit more about her suspicions.
I was surprised that she was willing to speak about it out in the training grounds like that. Either she’s really certain she can trust the security of the place and the people that were there, or she’s not too worried about the subversive element knowing what she told me…or she’s just about as well-suited for intrigue as I am.
Anyway, long story short, there’s apparently been a suspicious amount of missteps and blunders that have strained diplomatic ties between the pantheons. Which Brynhildr finds particularly worrying since M.I.S.T.’s neutrality is still doubted by a lot of the pantheons out there. It sounds like a mess waiting to happen, and the kind of intrigue it’ll take to get to the bottom of that is certainly not my strong suit. I’ll talk to Andrew about it, he might know more.
One other point of interest, she mentioned that three members of the band (including Cindy) have hit on her. Huh, interesting…
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Last night Ken and I had our date. I’m not sure amazing would do it justice.
It was nothing fancy. Back at the feast hall she’d said she’d cook, so I met her at her apartment. I was only inside for a little bit, because she’d thought a picnic would be a nice touch. Of course I didn’t argue. The outdoors calls to me more now than it ever has, after all. I like how she decorated her place, though. A lot of warm, natural colors. To me at least, it seemed to be a very soothing place. It also reminded me a bit of my own apartment, apparently we have similar tastes in interior decorating.
Anyway, like I said, she suggested a picnic. There wasn’t any particular spot she had in mind, so she let me choose. So I took us out towards the coast. There was this one spot I found on my first day here, a rocky bluff that overlooks a little cove. It has a beautiful vista and some trees nearby to give a bit of privacy. It might’ve been my favorite spot on the island. Now, it definitely is.
As we ate we just, well…talked. And not just idle chatter like the weather or anything. We really just…opened up. I told her about my visitation, Vayu, that entire mess. Stuff I couldn’t have seen myself talking about to anyone just a week ago. To be able to open up like that, just trust her…it took a lot of weight off my shoulders, I needed that. I got the feeling she did too.
While we were talking we ended up in each other’s arms, leaning in towards each other…and I just knew that I had to kiss her. But just before I did, I had an idea. I called upon the winds that allow me to fly; I don’t think I’ve ever seen her eyes just light up like that. So I made sure I had a good grip on her and took off, brought us high enough to really let the M.I.S.T. unfold beneath us. She was so excited, trying to see everything at once, so happy, so grateful…and then I kissed her.
And I know that saying this is a bit cliché. But it was magical. I could just feel her melt in my arms, the jolt as soon as our lips touched. And it lasted for a long time…divine fortitude is awesome. When we did, eventually, break the kiss she was just as relaxed and happy as I’ve ever seen her. As far as first dates go, easily the best I’ve ever had. And I’d be willing to bet it was the best she’s had too.
Then she asked where to next, since she suspected critters probably raided our dessert. Since I’d chosen where to eat dinner, I told her it was the lady’s choice. And…she wanted to see my apartment. I don’t think I really need to go into any detail as to what happened after that.
But I’ll say this. Waking up that morning with her alongside me, for the first time since my visitation I felt like I was at peace.
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Eventually I managed to track Andrew down to talk to him. He’d wanted to speak with me too, so I guess that worked out. Still, it can be annoying to try to find people on this island if it’s not planned out. Out in the mundane world you can just call their cell…doesn’t work so well here. Well, mostly doesn’t, at least. The phone Hel gave me really is nice.
But I digress. I told him about what I’d come to suspect back in the feast hall, that I’d talked to Brynhildr about it twice, and what she told me. He seemed a bit impressed by my reasoning, maybe. Which means something, given how he made his living. He also said he’d look into it, which is good to know. If there’s anyone I know suited to getting to the bottom of stuff like that, it’s him.
Anyway, the reason he wanted to speak to me was his concerns about those shards of Utgard-Loki. I made sure the one I had got locked away, which is what he did, and he was relieved to hear. Apparently Cindy didn’t walk away unscathed from using the gem to shatter those chains, which is exactly why I didn’t want to be so hasty in trying that. He can sense another presence…overlaying hers, I guess. Cold, Norse, definitely sounds like Utgard-Loki did something to her.
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